Drunken Letters

So here we are. Another beautiful morning after. No hangover in sight.
Last night, Suzanna and I had another of our grand adventures, which included:
1. A gay/assman bartender downtown with spiky gay hair
2. A pasta catastrophe
3. Another bartender named Carl who looked alot like the Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force
4. Running into some guys we apparently met a few months ago through some friends but I still don't really remember who they are or why we were talking to them.
5. And last but in now way the least entertaining, our drunken letters. In the back of my Hebrew Studies notebook. Written in big green marker.

I've decided to transcribe these letters to the blog b/c evidently that was what I had in mind when I wrote them...or so Suzanna tells me. There are two that actually have words and several more that just look like hieroglyphics drawn by toddlers. I will relate the two with actual words as is, but beware most of what is said makes little more sense to me than Spanish.
Enjoy.

Letter 1:
Dear me!
Hello! Suzanna! And I are writing from da bed! We had a great time! We met Tim & Silent Scott. They suck! Do Not talk to them eva again! We hate them.
(Insert scribbled heart)
Love Me

Letter 2: (Apparently scribed by Suzan)
Dear me,
I am really drunk. If I were a lesbian, I would not screw you. Because that is how drunk u are. Too drunk 4 a lesbian! Tell me that I got hit on by Tim la douchebag w/ chew-teeth, (which is bad). Righteous FURY.
J is for Gigilo-Jiggle.
Our crossword puzzle rocked hard-ass. our crossword puzzle is where we made up words. Women are puss in boots and men are man-child.
My drunkenness has expanded the drunken world. Carl is my favorite, like Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Suzanna is going to be my narrator.
I'm not going to touch you because I'm going to poke you in da eye! Good job. I caught the cap between the teeth. Suzanna is my favorite narrator.
(Insert an incredible drawing for how drunk I was of Puss in Boots from Shrek & a doodle of Meatwad from ATHF)
Puss in Boots!
That's hot like a chihuawa!